Ruminate or Set Yourself Free- You Decide!

Rumination is a habit that is easily formed. And most people who have been mistreated fall into it naturally. They hear their abuser’s voice in their head before they hear their own and the message is never favorable. It is always critical. To ruminate is to think over and over on the same thing and get caught up in a negative loop. Rumination is never associated with joyful, happy thoughts.

Rumination builds negative highways in your brain and they get well-worn. When we encounter new experiences, our go-to is this negative route. What we need to do is apply mind management because what we think eventually comes out physically, emotionally and spiritually. Caroline Leaf coined that term and has lots of tips and strategies to do this. Mind management can prevent bad experiences from becoming disease processes.

It breaks my heart when I read that a woman has just left her abuser and she cannot stop thinking about him. But, now, she is focusing on the wrong things. She is focusing on the façade that drew her in and she is blocking out the terrifying abuse. She gets stuck wishing they were together, how much she needs him, how afraid to be alone she is, she desperately misses him, how no one else will ever see her or love her, that she will never find such a strong bond.

These are thoughts that need to be managed and addressed, as soon as they come up. But how?

Here are 6 tips to stop ruminating:

1. Prepare a list of empowering, positive and kind words, sayings or phrases that inspire you or are about you. Post these on your mirror. Write them out. Make magnets out of them. Or find cards that represent good, peaceful feelings that become a visual reminder for your _more_.

2. Recognize, in the moment, that you are thinking on things that are not healthy, not helpful and not holy.

3. Remind yourself that God teaches us to take each thought captive and to examine your thoughts. If writing out scripture helps, do that. If praying helps, do that. This invites God into your process.

4. Gently tell yourself no with the next ruminating thought. Do not indulge negativity or continue giving your time and energy to those types of thoughts. Take a breath and let it go. On your next breathe in think on one of your positive thoughts and exhale any remaining negativity. Do this in a cycle of at least 3 times.

5. Internalize these thoughts, sayings and ideas and live them. 3-D journaling. Check out Handcrafted by Avyn. You could even have a personalized piece of art made for you.

6. Invest in doing something healthy for yourself. Consider learning EFT (tapping) as this helps embody positive thoughts and process negative ones. Be artistic, take a walk or a bath, cook your favorite meal. Talk to a friend, see a coach or therapist to help you commit to changing the trajectory of your thinking.

Kristin Neff has done a lot of work on quieting the inner critic. This sometimes strong voice can actually create a cycle that makes it more and more difficult to step back and get perspective. This self-compassion includes kindness, mindfulness and connectedness. Purposeful interruption. There are a LOT of embodiment practitioners that can walk you through how to give yourself positive, healing touch. It really, really works. Talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Mindfulness is a learned habitual way of being. And the more time you spend working on your inner critic, self-compassion and mindfulness, the less you have for ruminating.

Let’s look at some of those ruminating thoughts again:

• No one else will love me. NEW THOUGHT: I am loveable because I am sweet, kind, and bright. I am learning to love myself. I see when others show me love, like when my friend checks on me, or when my sister posts on FB how she misses me.

• I can’t do life without a partner. NEW THOUGHT: I can invest in myself, learn about who I am and become stronger in living my authentic truth. I may not have a partner, but I have family and friends I can spend my time with. I could also get a pet to keep my company.

This is not easy and it is a process. Changing a habit is an uphill battle because even if ruminating is negative, it is comfortable. It is a fight. Ask yourself if you sound like a victim. If the answer is yes, you get to make a new and different choice. Moment by moment, breath by breath.

Keep in mind that God is not a God of confusion, but clarity, goodness, love and protection. Satan’s work is easy to identify because there is always insecurity, chaos, discontent, disloyalty, and pain. Rumination is certainly evil at work.

This step away from negativity and old thinking patterns is empowering and a very strong motion towards healthy self-regard. This means you are investing in your own value, you are pouring into yourself. You need this to grow beyond what you have known and to start into new territory. Explore mindfulness, self-compassion and put into practice a version of the six suggested tips above!