#notaglutonforpunishment #jeffbrownguru #thisishowyouhelp

What Jeff says here is so powerful. For anyone who has experienced trauma. No, we are NOT to blame for being abused. NO, there is not a grand lesson that you "need" to learn, decided by a higher power that seems less than benevolent.

Sometimes, we do all the right things and we still get entangled with the wrong person. Stop jumping on the guilt and shame rides and put the responsibility where it belongs. On the person who chose to mistreat you.

What does supporting a person who has been abused look like? This is a powerful question.

Here are five things to say/do for someone who has just confided in you.

1. Listen.

2. Tell them they are loved, that they have your support.

3. Ask if they are safe and if not, offer to call a hotline with them.

4. Do not presume to be able to offer great advice.

5. Do not fade in and out of their life. Check on them regularly. And pray!

Here are five things NOT to say/do to someone who has just revealed this to you.

1. NEVER question whether they are telling you the truth. This is like revictimizing them.

2. Do not ask them why they keep going back or stay with someone who is hurting them.

3. Do not confront their abuser.

4. Do not discuss this with anyone else.

5. Do not call the police, especially if they ask you not to. You could be creating a volatile situation.